This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
