Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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