My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
