Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
