Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize