I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
