I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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