I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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