everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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