are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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