If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
