did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize