No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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