I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize