So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
