The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize