Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
