Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
