This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
