The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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