Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
