Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
