I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
