Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
there's paper in my vomit.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
