I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
