I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
