it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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