When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
