you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
