I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
