Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
