HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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