Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
