apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
