clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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