I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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