The brown eye won't let me do that either.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
