i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
