OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
