so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
