Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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