U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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