Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
