Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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