Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
