eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize