I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
