hotel room ftw
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
