The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
