can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
