Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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