Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
