Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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