you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
