we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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