Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
