my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
