I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
