i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
