My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize