I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
