They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
