No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
where am i from again
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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