some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
