Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
