I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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