forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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