Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize