In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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