WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
