I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
