Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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