at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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