I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
