Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
