he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
