I wanna passion pit in your ass
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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