No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
