You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
