Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
