what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
MIDGETS
????
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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