dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
