If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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