Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize