What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
