In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
