ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
