well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
