dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
