I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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