I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
