Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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