yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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