My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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