My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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