i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
