We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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