i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize