I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
