it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
