ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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