How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
