Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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